marriage thoughts.

I'm sick of hearing Christian pastors and authors talk about how hard marriage is and how much work it takes. I cannot count the number of times I've heard sermons, lectures, or discussions on things like how to know if he/she is "the one," what singles can do to prepare for marriage, and how to treat your husband or wife once you're married. There seems to be a disproportionate emphasis on solving marriage problems than on the value and significance of having a good marriage.

After hearing a sermon or finishing an article on marriage, I usually come away thinking something like, "why would I ever want that?" or perhaps worse, "I'm glad I'm not married." Now maybe I'm alone on this, or maybe other singles enjoy sermons on the difficulties of marriage because it leaves them feeling relieved that they aren't dealing with marriage problems. But, I HATE feeling this way.

Those that know me well, know that I spent a significant amount of time and energy writing a 40ish page paper on the Greek text of Ephesians 5:22-33, aka the "wives submit to your husbands" passage. Through the paper-writing process, I learned a ton about God's purposes for the marriage relationship and the special status it has as a representation of the awesome, intimate, and fulfilling relationship between Christ and the Church. By the time the paper was finished, I had nothing but the highest respect for marriage. Which is why I hate when a Christian author or pastor gives a message focusing on the hardships and trials of marriage without sufficiently acknowledging how great it is.

I get it. Marriage is hard. The divorce rate in the church is inexcusable and church leaders are making an effort to combat the reasons for failed marriages. False expectations, infidelity, dishonesty, addictions, you name it. These are all sins which need to be preached against and repented of. However, I'm not sure why I rarely hear positive messages on the nature of marriage itself and the ways it represents Christ and the Church. Maybe they don't want to alienate the singles or divorcees in the audience, but I, for one, would welcome a message that uses real marriage experiences to illustrate how awesome marriage can be.

I mean, if marriage is a reflection of the Church's relationship with Christ then shouldn't it be natural for Christians to be able to point at marriages and say, "That's the kind of relationship Christ died for"? If people really understand the beauty of the gospel, and if they truly understand how a good marriage exemplifies that beauty, then wouldn't they be strongly motivated to work on their marriage so that the beauty of the gospel is on full display?

I'm sick of hearing messages trying to improve marriages defensively. These messages focus on how to avoid miserable marriages and divorce. They typically give advice about choosing the right spouse, getting premarital counseling, improving communication, forgiving, dealing with tragedy, and balancing time between children, spouses and God. Again, these are all good topics, but by concentrating on a list of dos and don'ts, these message imply that a good marriage is one that merely survives.

Instead, Paul's teaching on marriage gave practical advice, but included a greater perspective by focusing on the value of the marriage relationship to the message of the gospel. So my final point is this: There is nothing of greater importance than Christ's work on the cross; marriage is privileged by being a representation of what Christ did and why. Reminding ourselves of this valuable aspect of marriage should make marriage seem less like a chore and definitely should deter Christians from deciding they don't want it anymore.

Am I alone in this? Is anyone else tired of hearing about how hard marriage is and how much work it takes?