I'm indecisive. I just spent about five minutes contemplating whether that first sentence was how I wanted to begin this post. (I know, you don't understand why I would question such an attention-grabbing, informative, compelling opener.)
When deciding on which scent of dish soap to buy takes almost ten minutes, making bigger choices in life seems overwhelming. I remember feeling that way when I was deciding my college major as a freshman. The trajectory of my whole life rests on this one decision, I thought. And to some extent, that was true. Then, I felt the same overwhelming feeling when I had to decide what to do after college graduation. I believed that whatever I do after college is the starting point of what I'll do for the next 35 years. And to some extent, that was true. Similarly, when I was deciding about grad school, I believed that committing to a 5-6 year PhD program is also deciding to put off having a family of my own. And to some extent, that was true.
But those decisions didn't really have the gravity I was placing upon them. Sure, they were important decisions that deserve careful reflection. But I'm learning more and more that instead of confining me to certain outcomes, the big decisions I've made for my life have given me greater freedom.
Here's why:
Many decisions are reversible. You can change your mind. You can quit your job. Upon graduating from college with a degree in Biology, my brother said that he now knows what he doesn't want to do. I think I read somewhere that the majority of graduates do not work in the same field in which they hold a degree. So in hindsight, I wish I would've felt less pressure when making that decision.
Not only are many decisions in life reversible, many decisions in life are not made by you. Some things just happen to you. How does that saying go? Your life isn't determined by your failures, but how you react to them. Something like that, anyway. Companies downsize, relatives become ill, preferences change. There are so many people I know that are having to figure out what they want to do with their lives many years after starting their careers. There are also many people I know that are doing something that they would not have chosen, but circumstances required it. In hindsight, putting so much pressure on my own decisions seems arrogant. I can't plan out the rest of my life with a few select decisions. Only God is in ultimate control.
So while I am accountable for the decisions I've made in this life, I am learning to take some pressure off of myself and enjoy the freedom I have in Christ.
